Pride

In the news today, a group of people in Norwich, Ontario had the power to ban the flying of a Pride flag from municipal properties or lamp posts. I do not understand those who would deny the rights of the LGBTQ community. I do not agree that they should even have the right to vote on this. I believe in democracy, but majority opinion should not necessarily be the standard by which decisions are made. In the past, the majority agreed that it was acceptable to marginalize Indigenous people, put a head tax on Chinese immigrants, rob Japanese families of their homes and businesses during WW11, deny women the vote. The list goes on. There are basic rights and freedoms…and hopefully respect for all human beings, and those in government need to lead us all towards what is fundamentally fair and right.

These people who voted for the ban, in some cases, are acting according to their interpretation of the Bible. They feel that expressions of homosexuality are sinful. They worry that these people are dangerous, and may influence their children to become gay. There is fear of grooming and pedophilia that they assume is inherent in being part of the LGBTQ world. Although these arguments frustrate and sometimes anger me, it is not my place to tell them how to think. As all parents, we strive to install the values we believe in. They can do this in their own homes and churches… but not in our schools and government facilities. Communities like the Hutterites are a perfect example. They have avoided the general population and have participated minimally in society because of their religious beliefs. Again, while I do not agree with the lifestyle choices of this community, I do not try to stop them from exercising their religious freedom. Neither do they try to impose their ideas on me.

For some, though they may claim to be Christian, the motivation for their anti-LGBTQ actions, is old-fashioned hate. I was under the mistaken impression that we, as a society, had made significant progress in the understanding and acceptance of the gay community. It appears to have taken a giant step backward. In my childhood, I had no notion of the concept, but in my late teens I became more aware. I was not so different than the average person then. I did not actually know anyone that was openly gay, so it was easy for me to go along with gay jokes, or the prevailing idea that being a homosexual was somehow defective. My father told a story about beating up ‘queers’ for fun when he was in the army. Boys in my peer group would deride someone who was effeminate. It wasn’t until I made friends who were gay that I began to sympathize-to question my beliefs. I was raised Anglican, taught Sunday school, and I had never heard any talk of Jesus loving only straight people. 

At the time of the AIDS epidemic, the hate people had supposedly disguised or downplayed became more palpable. It was okay to voice it. Certainly, fear is often the root of hate, but even then, it was sad to me that people had so little regard for those dying of that terrible disease. There were myths and misconceptions that flourished; for example, many thought that all gay men were perverts. There was little understanding of the loving same-sex relationships that existed.

In many ways, we are back there-this time spewing the hateful ideas about transgender people. I want to ask, ‘What are you so afraid of?’  I am hearing about luring and pedophilia, and I have other questions-‘Where is your evidence?’ Statistics show that older white men that you or your child knows are most likely to be the abuser. Couldn’t a ‘butch’ woman dressed according to the female gender also be a threat to a girl in a washroom? If a young person interacts with a transgender person, is it logical that they will want to be transgender too? It doesn’t work that way. True, vulnerable children can be led in many ways-drugs, sexuality, crime, but it is not society’s job to eliminate all influences. Those who are truly gender fluid or transgender do not make a conscious choice to be so. They know. They have always been hidden, and have denied their own authentic selves to fit in.

I cannot pretend to say I know a lot about transgender people. I do know several who have transitioned and I know that in each case, they are happier people, secure in their choice. But knowing them does not know their feelings or experience. I can sympathize, but I cannot empathize. How does one face the uncertainty, confusion, rejection, isolation, and hatred that they often endure? How do they muster the courage? How do they conquer the depression and suicidal thoughts that torment so many of them? What I do know is that these people are human beings who deserve respect and  the rights we all enjoy. In a perfect world, those in the transgender and the whole LGBTQ community would be accepted and embraced. A Pride flag, a Pride Jersey, a Pride day are just ways to say, ‘You are included. You are important. You are loved.’